I hope he knows...

So, it's been 3 months since I made a new post, and I think a lot happened to me during this idle period.

First of all, I think my outlook has changed. I have been a changeable person since the very beginning, so this is no surprise. I no longer desire to work in the banking industry, but rather, something that I would enjoy more, say, behavioral science, etc. Although working as a CFO or CEO is still quite alluring.

Second, I have reduced my work hours significantly - so that I can focus more the academic aspect of my college life. I already see the results, I'm very pleased indeed.

Third, I no longer go clubbing anymore, and it's been a good three months since I visited a dance club. The bright light, the loud music, the inability to actually talk to people just repulse me. Am I getting old mentally at such a tender age? Besides, what kind of "boyfriend material" can I find at sleazy nightclubs, anyway?

Fourth, an introduction of a new person in my life. I met him by chance, twice actually. The first time I didn't have the guts to talk to him, we just went on to do our own business. Man did I regret not talking to him! And there I was, thinking that I'd never see him again, and 2 days later, he miraculously appeared again. This time, I made sure that he left me with his number.

So, I have a feeling that the theme of the blog is going to shift. More on relationship building, less on the cuddling I have with people. Oh, and I sure hope that *the guy with the girl friend who are in a open relationship* that I used to cuddle with gets it. I haven't told him about the new boy yet, but they have met... from what his gf tells me, he wants to date me and her simultaneously... hmm, for some reason I don't think it will happen. ;)

Am I the Sunday and Monday boy now?

As the title suggests, I am now officially the Sunday and Monday boy - I get to hang out with the str8 boy on Sundays and Mondays, lol. Of course this is not a strict rule, but I assume that the more precious Friday and Saturday slots are given to his first priority, i.e. his girlfriend. Although I do find conversations like this one a little awkward and surreal:

The Girlfriend: "Would you like him to come home with you tonight?"
Me: "Um... it's okay! You guys should have fun..."
The Girlfriend: "OK! Just let me know when you want to see him okay?"
Me: "Sure...."

After a few shots of Taquilla, I got a little sad thinking about my sharing situation. But then, at 4AM on Sunday monring on my way home, I suddenly though - 'Hey! It's Sunday now! It's now my turn!! Muhahhahaha!' And got a little happier :)

The fact that I'm the only one that he's seeing besides his gf is comforting.

Oh, I found this awesome HIV prevention campaign, definitely cute, and very powerful. I absolutely loved it. Everyone should check it out:

Sugar Baby Love

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

Open Relationships...

“Never leave the one you love for the ones you like; for the ones you like will leave you for the ones they love.”

My thoughts on Open Relationships

I feel like I’m going into a dangerous territory. 2 weekends ago, I fooled around with the guy in a 5 year open relationship with his girlfriend. It was great fun, and last weekend, we went at it again. However, when I saw him and his girlfriend together in a party I went to last weekend, I felt... jealous.

The gf saw my uneasiness, and we walked to the porch and had a nice talk. I learnt many things about their open relationship. One thing that stood out to me the most, was that they are so must trust in each other. I was unsure of whether she knew of me and his boyfriend, and it was comforting to know that she knew about us. and that 'he is having a great time!'

In a way, an open relationship requires more trust than a closed one. In my opinion, a closed relationship has a certain ‘social expectation’ associated with it – people are restrained from ‘cheating’ because they conform to the social norms, not because of the lack of desire to do so. On the other hand, in an open relationship, since messing around with other people is allowed, the sense of possible ‘abandonment’ requires more trust between the two people. They couple I'm talking about been together for 5 years, and from the way they look at each other, I can tell that they really love each other, and according to her, she can’t imagine living without him’.

The problem for me, then, is that I’m slowly falling for him. I think my brain wasn’t designed for one night stands - it's like when I mess around with someone, my brain gets attached to that person, at least for a little while. The connection I have with him is amazing - we have a lot in common, and we fit well sexually, we both love cuddling, and he's sort of a stright boy (which I enjoy a lot).

So what should I do? I don't want to 'share' him with other people, and I don't want to not cuddle with him...*sigh*

Edit: P.S. Sex with him is GREAT! I love how 'straight' people are so curious about everything, and so willing to learn! That story might have to wait for the next blog entry.

After two months, I'm back!

I finally managed to get internet connection in my new apartment! Thank you to those of you who emailed me and wondered where the hell I was, I felt special :)

A lot happened in the past two months. First there was the move in mid September, which was horrible, it made me never want to move again! Then there was a month of 'unorganization', because my room was messy for the entire time. I finally went crazy last saturday, and cleaned EVERYTHING, bought some furnitures, and make my room into a pretentious-looking office with a bed filled with the morning sun! I love it.

I broke up with the bf. Until recently, I never reallys saw any potentials in the people around me, because I think my brain was still fixated on the ex. But one day I was in the mall, and bumped into him - ON A DATE! I suddenly realized that it's time for me to REALLY move on! And suddenly the world seem to have expanded, I feel better about being single, and all of a sudden, more possibilities opened up.

That brings me to my next little story: on saturday me and a bunch of friends went to a party after we pre-gamed at my 'newly renovated' apartment. After coming back with them at 4am in the morning on Sunday, we had a sleepover in my room. For some reason, me and this guy I had my eyes on ended up bunking together.... there were movements under my comforter... for some reason, we ended up spooing and cuddling, and fell asleep together.

The next morning, when the sun was bright and high, and after the girls left for their own home, things became more interesting... We started cuddling again, and I started tickling his nipples, and he moaned lightly. One thing led to another, we got friendly, and we had a great time together.

The most strange thing, I guess, was the fact that he was STRIGHT with a GIRLFRIEND who he's being going out for 3 years, the sun was up, and we were not under any influence... Now before you accuse me of being a home-wrecker... they are in an open relationship, and the girlfriend totally knows that I wanted him, and actually told me to "jump him!". Haha. I suspect that this will be a regular thing now!

All and all, I had a great weekend.

My boss at work is totally gay! Here's why:

• When he 'accidentally' come in contact with my body, he sometimes give it a gentle tug. Like a little sqeeze.
• He's single and in his 40s.
• He lives with another single 40-something man.
• He loves SF. So does his roommate.
• Flirtatious conversations between him and me.
• The list just goes on and on...

He's got a nice balance though - he still remains professional. I wonder when we'll start hanging out outside of work, or when he'll invite me to a party...

I'm into all flavors of gays, and by flavors, I mean race, age, body types, etc... So I'm actually a little excited as to what will happen.

********************

Other than that, I'm contacting different people who are related to Finance/Consulting/Investment banking to get my vision clearer on what I want to do after I graduate. While investment banking will offer me more $$, I seriously doubt that I'd have more job satisfaction than doing consulting. I'm also trying to secure a good internship, although I'm a not a junior yet. It's a slim chance that I'd get a i-banking or consulting internship, but hey, it won't hurt to ask around!

Things with the bf is good. We hardly see each other though. He needs to get some $$ and drive over to see me!

Today concludes my first week at my new job! I absolutely love it - everything is so new to me, and the enviroment is way more professional than my previous one (although no business suits needed yet), and best of all, I'm getting paid for the work I do! Definitely a good incentive :)

The first day was kind of hectic. There were just so many things to learn. By friday however, I have pretty much learned everything I needed to, and doing a pretty decent job at it. I'm sure as time goes by, I'll be great at what I do!

Truth to be told, there isn't much happening lately. I'm moving out of my current apartment in a few days, which means I'll be without a place to live for a few days. O well... After that though, I'll pay cheaper rent, AND live in a bigger space!

Me and my bf-ish are doing semi-okay. Sometimes I feel like we don't know each other that well. It seems to me that, whenever it pleases him that he calls me and want to hang out, but when I call him, he hardly responses. The lack of enthusiasm from his part is turning me off a little bit. I'm a little lost, in the sense that I don't know what plan of action to take next. On the one hand, I don't want to not give it a try with him, plus he just had some serious problems with his family because of his sexuality; but on the other hand, I do think that we hang out way to little, and as a result, we hardly know each other and feel 'strange' when we do finally hang out.

I guess once school starts again for me, things will get better - I'll be too busy to notice things like that, or at least I hope that will be the case for me.

According to this article from Vault.com, Wall Street is "one of the last industries where openly gay professionals are not commonplace", and although that over the years "Gays and lesbians have succeeded on Wall Street", they have to "deliberately obscure their personal lives to do it".

I wonder if I'll have to go to Hooters with my fellow associates. Buffalo wings, bear and tities! Yikes!

Good news - I got a new job offer today! Work starts early next week, and it sounds like a lot of fun - confidential documents, training sessions for the rookies (although I am a rookie myself, my boss said that he could use my inter-personal skills and my confidence) and one very important thing - at this job I will actually get paid!

I'm planning on a visit to the career services centre at my university soon. I want to 1) change my major(Economics) to one that will suit my future career better, and 2) get information regarding internships related to i-banking/business, resume help etc. It's time that I use some of the free services offered by the school already!

Tonight me and a bunch of my friends went to see 'The Descent', a movie which came out in the UK a year ago, which had just hit the American cinemas. It was certainly a scary movie - so scary that it hurts, literally, because I always end up hitting myself against something when I get scared. If you want to scream and get hurt, or learn why you should not mess with the Asians/sleep with your friend's husband, then go and watch that movie! I loved the Asian girl in the movie!

Oh, and an interesting thing about this film is that, apart from some male extras and the husband in the first 10 minutes of the movie, there are no other male actors. So don't go see it expecting eye candies!